I am a positive blogger. I don't like to blog when I'm frustrated. But sometimes when I look back at my blogs I think, "Wow, I am a little obnoxiously happy." I am VERY happy, and somedays I feel overwhelmed and frustrated, but it is kind of scary to blog about those feelings. I don't know why. Maybe because it makes you vulnerable to put your feelings out there. But after feeling this way for a few days, I decided to journal it on my blog.
Everyone told me I would feel like I don't hold Madelyn as much as Emma.
They also said I would feel like neither child gets as much one on one attention as I want them to.
But they said these feelings are normal, and that I shouldn't feel guilty about it.
This week I realized I really do feel that guilt, more often than I should.
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Guilt #1)
Maddie had a check-up, and the Pediatrician gave me a referral to a physical therapist because she has Plagiocephally(flat head). Rationally, I know that it could happen anyway, but my mind chooses to feel guilty because I don't hold her as much as I held Emma(who never had a flat head).
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Guilt #2
I can't nurse Maddie anymore. Well, once a day, twice if we are lucky. Don't know why, maybe my body is done? I have been pregnant/nursing for almost 3 years straight. I had troubles nursing Emma at this age, but I was pregnant then(not the issue here!) and I nursed her another 6 months WHILE pregnant. I want that closeness with her that I got with Emma while nursing. And I feel bad that it isn't the same.
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Guilt #3
Maddie barely gained any weight since her last check-up. And while she has been teething and on a bit of a hunger strike from nursing and bottle when she is really hurting, I'm still not ok with that. The nurse made a snide comment or two about it, but the Dr. didn't seem as concerned, said this happens around this age right before you start them on solid foods. Her head and height were still where they were supposed to be.
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Guilt #4
I expect a lot from Emma. I'm pretty sure if she was still the only child, she wouldn't be quite so advanced in lots of things. And maybe it is fine, because apparently she is capable of it, so maybe we are just helping her. But I still look at this little 19.5 month old and think "She's still just a baby!"
Am I crazy? Any of you ever experience guilt like this?
6 comments:
Yes. Yes. Yes. Jordan and I were talking about it just yesterday in fact. We feel like Micah just gets lost in the mix sometimes. Poor little guy doesn't get near the attention Justus did. Also, we have Justus in speech therapy and recently found out he has a sensory processing disorder. We spend so much time working with Justus, that I feel sorry for Micah. It is hard. A lot of the time I have Micah come and sleep with me in the bed at night, just so he feels cuddled more. I wish I had a solution too. But I am afraid that I'm still working on that. Don't feel bad though. I know we all feel like that.
Just wait until one of them gets old enough to say, "That's not fair!" That's all I hear around my house these days. It's enough to make any parent feel guilty for having more than one kid. But then I see them interacting with each other and realize that they are getting lots of attention, it's just not all from me. Don't feel guilty for not being able to do everything all by yourself. Think of how much you love having a sister!
Yes. But unlike everyone who told you not to feel guilty, I'm going to tell you it's OK to feel guilty. Because you'll feel it anyway- you may as well be OK with it.
Maybe some things aren't going as well this time around, but I bet there are also some things that are going better. For me, I always used to let Sam take a sippy of milk to bed, which I knew was bad for his teeth (and therefore I felt guilty about it). So with Alivia, we drew a hard line early on: only water in bed (no more guilt).
Think about it... I bet you'll come up with some things to feel good about.
sorry you feel guilty. i think all mothers plague themselves with it b/c we always feel like we are run ragged, but just not getting enough done. as for the baby weight, lyra is tiny and we were concerned for awhile but as long as she is developing well, you shouldn't be concerned. we had to accept that lyra is petite. 11.5 mo and a whooping 16 lbs!
to help me make time to spend actually playing with the kids, make sure you just get down on the floor with them sometime during day. then they know they have your undivided attention. then let them also learn how to play on their own while you do other things.
i too went through withdrawals and was surprised how hard it was for me when liam stopped nursing at 6mo, but still take the cuddle time and feedings to enjoy together!
you are great. you can do it. sorry you are feeling frustrated, loves from france!
Oh I do and my kids are 4 years apart!! Sometimes I feel like Ethan is still a little kid and I expect too much of him at 5 years old. I had to stop nursing Emma way before I stopped with Ethan cause my body was done too. But when I held her while she was having a bottle and she squeezed my finger I knew that she was okay with it. I do try to make more time for just me and Ethan though. We've been out just the two of us and it was fun. something as simple as going to the park will put a happy smile on their faces.
yes I totally understand! It is one of those thing that never goes away.... good luck. just being concerned shows what a truly amazing mom you are. if you didnt feel guilty then you should worry :D just keep loving them
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