The Scare

Thursday was my first Dr.'s appointment. The appointment kept getting re-scheduled and before I knew it I found myself walking in for the first time at 12.5 weeks.

I'm always nervous at my first Dr.'s appointment. In November 2007, I went to my first Dr.'s appointment at 9 weeks, spent an hour talking to the PA and getting excited about my first pregnancy, walked in for my ultrasound to see my baby for the first time, and was shocked to see the baby at only 5 weeks with no heartbeat. It was an emotional experience.

I felt the same anxiety with my first appointment with Emma and Madelyn. I just brace myself so that it will never hurt that badly again.

But I felt pretty confident with this pregnancy. Still nervous, I was eager to hear that heartbeat so I could relax. After 45 minutes of the appointment, he searched for the heartbeat. All he could find was my heartbeat(I apparently have very strong blood vessels). He said that my heartbeat could just be too loud so it was hard to hear the baby's. Or maybe I wasn't as far along as we thought. But that I should schedule an ultrasound within a couple of days to make sure everything was ok.

Our awesome ultrasound tech(and mother-in-law) got us in only a couple of hours later that day. That first pregnancy I was sent away for 2 weeks to "wait it out". So this was a huge relief to be able to know so soon.

As he began the ultrasound, so many thoughts were running through my head. But in seconds a perfect baby with a perfect heartbeat became apparent. We hadn't planned on finding out what we were having, but there was no missing that it is a BABY BOY.

The baby was pretty calm until Jared brought Emma and Madelyn into the room. Then he couldn't stop kicking and waving and spinning. Those three kids have a special bond that I can't quite explain. It is humbling.

Some people think we are crazy. Or irresponsible. Or just plain naive. But I say we are part of a miracle. Truly it is a miracle that babies are ever formed at all, let alone that they continue to grow and develop as they should throughout the pregnancy. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father has entrusted us with this baby. Are we excited it's a boy? Of course! But we walked into that room preparing to hear that we had lost the baby and walked out finding out he is healthy. We would not care one bit whether it was a girl or boy.

Sometimes almost losing something reminds you of how much you want it. No, need it in your life. I'm particularly grateful right now for this sweet spirit that is preparing to come into our home.